Online dating dangers, single town

The Paradox of Online Dating Apps: It is Meant to Keep you Single

I came across an interesting article the other day about how online dating apps were really meant to keep you in “Single Town” and I think the article may of been on to something.

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Nowadays ALL online dating sites are making the claim that they are here to help you meet your soulmate; but their promise of “True Love” seem to continuously miss the mark.

arrows missing target

If you were to simply go on google, type in your favorite online dating app with the word “danger” behind it, and clicked on the news icon; there would be plenty of horror stories for you to read, I assure you.

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For example, I read that a lady met a guy on a certain online dating app. To be safe, she asked him to meet her at a restaurant with another couple she knew. After dinner, she decided she trusted him enough to drive her home on his motorcycle. While driving on the highway, she somehow fell off and was ran over approximately nine times. Her parents are now suing the man for the death of their daughter. It is still in litigation. I know that may sound like an extreme story, but believe it or not, there were a plethora more that also ended just as badly.

I won’t focus on that, the point of this post was to point out that some of the online dating apps have alluded “publicly” that their goal was for you to remain single, because it keeps them in business. I personally think it is awfully poor form to advertise that you “assist people in finding their soulmate” when ultimately the hidden agenda is to “promote singleness”.  There is just something wrong with that picture to me but in their defense, they do not put a weapon to your head and make you participate; they just play on your loneliness instead. *shrug* No difference, right?

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There is truly nothing wrong with being single if you want to be, but there is something a little sinister in online dating apps preying on lonely people, while also providing a place for convicted predators to meet and abuse people.

The articles I read were sad, so I wanted to bring awareness of this topic in order to encourage others to research these online dating apps more, and the crimes that surround them.

dangers-of-online-dating

Alternatives to using Online Dating Apps:

  1. Eventbrite – Eventbrite is a site that will show you great events in your area or in surrounding cities. You could type in things of interest, such as concerts, cooking classes, open mike, etc… and it will provide you with some dates of upcoming events. Try going out and meeting people that way, at least you may meet someone with a common interest.
  2. Adventure groups – There is a site called Meetup that allows you to find groups of people that share a common hobby. The groups consist of but are not limited to cycling, rock climbing, hiking, city tours, skiing, bookclub etc… Again, this would place you with a group of people that share a common interest, and even if you don’t meet your soulmate, you may meet a new friend.
  3. Adult Sports League – Join an adult sports league. If you like softball, kickball, golf, tennis or the like; join a league of people your age and start playing. This would be a great way to exercise and meet new people.
  4. Coffee Shop – If you like coffee or tea, why not visit a shop or two and see what happens? You could take some work or read a book, but this could be a great opportunity to run into someone new.
  5. Sports bars – If you like watching sports, sports bars are a great place to eat, hang with friends, have fun and possibly meet new people.
  6. Say Hi to 10 new people a week – I have read that a great way to meet new people is to set a goal to say hi to at least 10 new people a week. I personally have not tried it, but felt it was still worth mentioning.

Godspeed on your dating journey!

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Bumperstuckle Village: Patience is a Virtue
emotional vampires, life hacks, sound advice

Identify the Emotional Vampires in your Life

When you hear the word “vampire” the images that may come to mind is Barnabas Collins from “Dark Shadows”

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or Edward Cullen from “Twilight”.

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But I have come to inform you that vampires are quite real, maybe not in the sense of these characters, but when it comes to certain individuals we have in our lives, they could very well be Emotional Vampires and if they are, you need to run the other way, fast!

1049-How-to-Recognize-and-Escape-Emotional-Vampires

Now in order to run from the Emotional Vampires, you will need to be able to recognize them. So I will list six ways to identify these horrible creatures.

  1. Emotionally Draining – The first thing you will noticed about this type of individual is how emotionally and physically drained you feel after being in their company. I am not talking about the occasional time when a particular family member or friend share their issues with you and you feel slightly tired after listening to them. I am talking about the individual who does it the emotional vampire way. Instead of sharing a small problem, they bombard you a plethora of  them while sucking you dry of advice and emotional responses ALL THE TIME, barely stopping to allow you a word in edge-wise. You may ask, “What is wrong with doing this? Plenty of people do this, even I do this!”  But that is not what I am referring to. I am talking about feeling like your head is literally spinning after you finish a conversation with them. #abnormalfeeling

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2. Negativity Overload – After the conversation is long over with the emotional vampire in your life, you still experience this nagging negativity hangover. It is like taking a Benadryl too late before bed and waking up feeling the groggy brain-fog, after-affect.

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You probably did not realize until now, but that cloud of negativity was not coming from you; it actually came from the words of that emotional vampire you have been surrounding yourself with.

3. You feel better when they are not around – Picture yourself listening to the individual; while listening to them you feel bad, after listening to them you still feel gloomy. It isn’t until you have gone a few days, weeks or months, without talking/listening to this individual that you start to feel somewhat normal again. This is because while conversing with them, they not only unload a lot of negativity on you; they also tend to not actively listen to anything you have to say, hardly ever. So going on a detox from this individual may show you just how good life could be without them. So go ahead and press the “Reset” button, for lighter and happier times ahead. #letitgo

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4. Simplicity goes out the Window – Another sign of an emotional vampire is when having, what you believe to be, a simple conversation with them, ends up leaving you in a ball of confusion.

Question Marks Sphere Ball Many Questions Asked

What starts out as a simple statement, ends with the emotional vampire taking things completely out of context; leaving you disoriented and wondering what in the sam hill went wrong. Communication gaps happen, yes, but in the case of the emotional vampire, they are inevitable because the vampire is usually busy being negative, playing mind games, refusing to give straight answers or being overly defensive of their “uncalled for” behavior. This is definitely a trait that you should be on the look out for because simplicity is certainly a thing of the past with them. #byebyesimplicity

5. They make you feel deflated – These emotional vampires tend to deflate everyone around them. They cannot stand to see anyone thriving in anything because they are debbie-downers, and want to make others feel that way too. #downerslovecompany

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A true friend would like for you to be happy and celebrate with you when things are good, and comfort you when things are bad. An emotional vampire does the complete opposite, covertly; they do not bring comfort; nor do they celebrate you. They only do it if it serves themselves in some form or fashion. Most of the time they appear to only “tolerate” you being in their lives. They are really not into you or what you have going on but keep you around for their own purposes. So ask yourself again, why do you entertain such a person? Inquiring minds would like to know.

6. You have a sneaky suspicion the friendship isn’t quite real – With emotional vampires, they only put up with you because a) they need a sounding-board b) they need someone to put down so that they can feel better about themselves c) they need emotional responses to what they are saying [in these cases they will have multiple people they run to for this because your response alone will not be enough] d) they need your energy to empower themselves.

Notice how all of these reasons are about them and not the friendship? This is normally the case with these creatures, I mean, emotional vampires. Once they get the energy and attention they crave, you will be out of sight and out of their narrow minds, until they need another energy fix again.

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What to do if you have been bitten by an emotional vampire:

  1. Establish the no contact rule, this is important because they are sly creatures and can usually lure you back into the friendship before you have time to think about it. Cutting ties will allow you to get back to emotional freedom sooner than later.
  2. Do not try to reason with emotional vampires, it will not work. You will just become tangled up again in their web of deceit.
  3. If you work with the person in a common organization, separate yourself and only deal with them professionally. Do not meet up for dinner, or talk on the phone. Keep everything strictly work related, and AT WORK ONLY.
  4. Develop a support system of people who care about you, and who are willing to talk and actively listen. This marks a healthy relationship.

Well Wishes!

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Bumperstuckle Village: Patience is a Virtue

 

Journey, Blogging, Be Inspired, story time

SOS, Abandon the Flaky-Ship!

I randomly decided to look up what “SOS” stood for and was surprised to find that it did not stand for anything at all. It simply was chosen as a signal because it could be easily transmitted in Morse Code during distress. So that’s what it is, a signal.

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Some of us right now are knowingly or unknowingly sending out distress signals. We could do this by having a short temper, crying a lot, not eating or eating too much, losing interest in a thing called “life” and becoming reclusive to name a few. We may be distressed about our jobs, distressed about our families, distressed about relationships, distressed about organizations we belong to or volunteer for, distressed about friends or frenemies, distressed, distressed, DiSTRESSED! So in the event of this happening, what should one do?

They should asked for help and communicate with someone but what we tend to do is keep everything bottled up until we one day go bonkers!

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So instead of going bananas, go ahead and send out an SOS; reflect on what has been distressing you and plan to abandon the flaky-ship altogether. By Flaky-Ship, I mean Flaky-Shaky-Relationships with family, friends, jobs, and organizations. Do like the guy below and leave the Flaky-Ship behind you. Yes, it looks sturdy, and seems solid, but it is not. It is full of distress, so off you go!

an-old-broken-ship-on

Definition of Distress

dis·tress
dəˈstres/noun
1. extreme anxiety, sorrow, or pain.
“to his distress he saw that she was trembling”
synonyms: Anguish, suffering, pain, agony, torment, heartache, heartbreak
2. give (furniture, leather, or clothing) simulated marks of age and wear.
“the manner in which leather jackets are industrially distressed”
Just reading over this definition lets you know that being in “distress” is no cake walk.
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So if you are in a situation that is causing you anguish, torment, pain, anxiety, heartache and sorrow; it may be time to abandon that particular thing FOR GOOD.
Do you ever wonder why it is so hard to exit a bad situation? I mean, you would think it would be quite easy to walk away considering how unpleasant it is for you, but it does not always work that way, does it?
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The reason it is hard to exit bad situations is because we become used to them. We become comfortable feeling the pain, anguish, anxiety and sorrow in our lives; and began to wear them like an old hat. They become our norm. So we walk around knowingly or unknowingly sending out SOS signals, while doing absolutely nothing to address them.
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This has got to stop, I wrote this blog as a reminder to you that it is time to break out the composition notebooks and take inventory of your lives. Are you going to continue on in a distressed state of mind (unhealthy well-being) or a joyful state of mind (healthy well-being)? The choice is yours.
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Family
When it comes to your family, you cannot necessarily “abandon the Flaky-Ship” per say, but you can abandon negative patterns that may occur between you all.
For example, if you tend to argue a lot with a particular family member(s), choose to react in a different manner than you would normally would. Once the argument starts, do not retort with the normal sarcasm.
Instead, allow the person to say their piece and simply say you respect their opinion but have nothing further to say (even if you do).
This way, you are choosing not to argue with them on that day and will leave them perplexed and wondering what in the sam hill just happened.
**This is a great way to throw off the argument pattern.
After a few times of choosing not to engage the family member(s), you will eventually change the argument pattern completely for the better. This method truly works because I have read about it in real-life case studies and it has drastically improved peoples’ relationships with one another.
Please do not get me wrong, I am not saying avoid the pink elephant in the room; I am simply saying, the middle of a heated argument is not the right time to point out the pink elephant. It is best to discuss issues when both parties are not upset, and are ready to listen, offense will be less likely occur at this time.
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It takes two or more people to argue, so if you remove yourself from the equation, the argument cannot occur.
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Friends
When dealing with friends, it can be tricky. There is not a one size fits all method when deciding to abandon a flaky-friendship. This will have to be done on a case by case basis but if you have people in your company that produce constant feelings of pain, sorrow, anguish, anxiety and distress in your life, you may want to consider abandoning that flaky-ship.
Why? Because it is not healthy, and will cause yourself heartache in the long run. Some  of you have been losing sleep, not looking your best, overeating, carry bags under your eyes and nursing constant headaches, all because you have the wrong associations/attachments. Is it really worth it?
*Remember, the reason behind this blog post is to identify, decrease and eliminate “distress” in your lives. 
Organizations
Some of us are linked to organizations that does nothing but bring anxiety, drama, sorrow and pain into our lives. Initially you may of joined for a good cause but “the cause” seemed to have left the building a long time ago.
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When you want to leave, you may be bombarded with these thoughts:
“I may as well stay because it is like this everywhere” or
“I have been in it forever so I can’t leave” or
“my family was in it, if I leave, I will break tradition” or
“I have an important position in this place, I can’t leave my position.”
You get the picture, there will always be something or someone trying to convince you to stay in something, but again, if it is causing you constant “distress”, and your body is sending out SOS signals all over the place, its time to unapologetically, abandon the flaky-ship.
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I hope you all were taking notes in your composition notebooks and are planning to truly reflect on all of these areas in your life after you finish reading, because it is amazing how your body will began to heal itself once you start eliminating rubbish from different areas in your life.
Life is too precious to remain stuck in an unpleasant story, so go ahead and close that story book and began a new one. ~Kamina Fitzgerald
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Bumperstuckle Village: Patience is a Virtue

story time

The Parable of the Tenants

I was reading a parable called “The Parable of the Tenants” and it really stood out to me so you know I had to share.

The parable spoke about a landlord that planted a vineyard, put a fence around it, dug a wine press in it and built a watchtower. After everything was put in place, the landlord decided to lease it out and move to another country.

Time passed and when harvest time came, the landlord decided to send some of his servants to the tenant, to get some of the fruits he had planted. When the servants arrived, the tenants beat one, killed another and stoned the other.

The landlord heard of it and decided to send even more servants, in hopes that they would be received but the tenants responded in the same way as before.

The landlord could not believe it so he decided the best thing to do would be to send his own son to collect his produce/fruit. He sent his son, and when the tenants saw him, they said among themselves, “This is the heir; come, let us kill him, and seize on his inheritance.” So they caught him, and cast him out of the vineyard and killed him.

The parable ended with a question by the person telling the parable. The question was, “When the landlord comes back to his vineyard, what do you think he will do to the tenants?”

The people listening to the parable answered that the landlord would surely destroy the wicked tenants, and get new tenants to occupy the land. Tenants that would give the fruits to the landlord during their rightful seasons.

The creator of this parable, asked the people listening another question, a question tying the parable with what was happening at that present time. He asked, “Haven’t you read in the scriptures, the stone (referring to Jesus) which the builders rejected is the same stone, that will become the Head of the corner. And the kingdom of God shall be taken from you (pharisees and other who rejected the deity of Jesus), and given to a nation bringing forth the fruits thereof.

This passage speaks volumes to me and is thought provoking —–> Whoever will fall on the stone shall be broken but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder (Matthew 21: 44)

I like how it said whoever falls on Jesus (the stone) will be broken. Being broken is a good thing because it provides the opportunity for things to be broken off of us that is no longer needed. We should take comfort that brokenness doesn’t last forever, eventually we mend, heal, and become new again. Another thing that is good about being broken is how humbling it is. Once we experience brokenness, it usually gives us an empathy toward others that make us more sensitive and caring human beings.

The other part of the passage was sobering, it said that whoever the stone falls on, will be ground to powder. Yikes. That is not something I would like to experience. So I will take brokenness over being ground to powder any day, thank you very much.

I thought it was so interesting how the parable was used to explain to the pharisees in story form, how their disbelief appeared before the landlord (God) who allowed tenants (the pharisees) to managed his land and how the landlord (God) will deal with them (the pharisees and anyone who rejected) for killing/rejecting His son (Jesus).

So when you would like to get a point across to someone and you can’t quite explain it, give them a story/parable, to get your point across. It truly works!

#Shall-We-Bring-Back-Story-Time

 

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genuine people, inspirational

21-day Genuine Challenge Results

Good night everyone, this will be short and to the point. The 21-day Genuine Challenge was more difficult than I anticipated, especially when people were a bit cheeky.

I have found that it takes making a “conscious decision” to be kind and genuine, it does not happen organically.

It is easy to make sarcastic, negative remarks behind someones’ back, it is also easy to smile in someones’ face while having a frown in your heart towards the person, but it is hard to be REAL.

When I make the statement to “be genuine” I am also saying to stop being the opposite: a fraud, counterfeit, sham, imitation, hoax, when dealing with yourself and others. This is good advice for all of us.

  1. If you are not feeling well, it is ok to say that when asked how you are doing.
  2. If you do not like being around a certain group and/or person, it is ok; politely stop being around them and don’t talk negatively about them. Sometimes friendships fade.
  3. If you no longer like the direction your life is going, don’t act like you do just to impress others, or because you think something is expected of you; instead, make the necessary changes you need in order to have a healthy well-being.
  4. If you are around a group of people who are always talking negatively about others behind their backs, but smiling in their faces, separate yourself! This is a quick way to be classified as not being genuine.
  5. If you feel lead to do or say something you know is wrong, decide not to so that you could avoid negative consequences.

I challenge everyone to try the 21-day Genuine Challenge, it will definitely make you think before you do.

Selah

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parents, summer activities for students

15 Summer Activities for Students

Happy Summer Everyone!

Two weeks ago, I shared some summer activities at a District PTA meeting and wanted to list them here. If you have other ideas to share, leave them in the comment box  🙂

1. Summer Reading Clubs (Local libraries)

2. Summer Activity Books (15 minutes a day)

3. Tutoring in weak subject areas.

4. Educational Games (Quality)

5. Read a play aloud (This could be a great family activity)

6. Go to local museums and have child prepare a short presentation of things they have learned. (Should have a notebook while at the museum)

7. Start a family or neighborhood book club. Choose a book and talk about it. (Promotes reading comprehension)

8. Check out summer classes at Cape Fear Botanical Garden and other nonprofit organizations.

9. Conduct an interview. Child could come up with questions and conduct an interview of grandparents, parents, guardian, aunts, and/or uncles. (Find out what they were like from child to adulthood)

10. Take up reenacting. (Child could choose an historical event or figure and come up with a way to recite or reenact a part of their story)

11. Have child take up an Art, Cooking Gardening or Photography Lesson. (Never know when a hobby could turn into a profession)

12. Have your child design their own bedroom, within reason of course. https://www.hgtv.com/design/rooms/kid-rooms/10-decorating-ideas-for-kids-rooms

13. Sign up for activities at the nearest Parks and Recreational Center or Library. (Low cost or FREE)

14. Create a game. (Digital or Board) This would promote a high level of critical thinking and problem solving skills.

15. Head to the beach, take pictures and create a memory book. Relax, roast marshmallows and enjoy the waves. *Do not forget the sunscreen*

Summer Learning:

Reading Rockets:

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EOG, EOC, Advice, Parent, Teacher, Students

Dear Teachers, A word of advice concerning “EOG/EOC Review”…

Dear Teachers,

Lately I have been noticing while observing review groups, that many teachers are giving students a huge packet of questions “two weeks or less” before the final state exams, and are expecting them to answer the questions AND retain information.

I do not believe this is the best practice because it is a good example of the adage “So much to do, so little time.”  So help me, help you!

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*BEST PRACTICE ALERT: BUILDING STUDY GUIDES AS YOU GO ALONG*

SOOoooo a little suggestion on what I have done in the past is give my students the questions AND the CORRECT answers upfront, (correct being the operative word). This ensures the proper information is being studied. Next, have them underline the key terms within the questions and answers; then have them DEFiNE the key term. This strategy will be more effective if completed after each Unit throughout the semester because it will allow students to build their study guides as they go along!

Just think of how much time is wasted when a student sits conjuring up “answers” off the top of their heads for a study guide, and not knowing whether or not the answers are right. What a travesty! 

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Every time I see this, it makes me S-A-D.

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Please consider trying this strategy next year, the worst case scenario is, it may work! 

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The Value of Career and Technical Education in Addressing College and Career Readiness  and the Ill-Prepared Workforce